maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
