I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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