if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
