it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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