guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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