so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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