i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
