dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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