Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
