Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
