I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
