every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
