Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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His hands were made for my vagina.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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