their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
