I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
