my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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