I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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