Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
