I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
