I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
