Acid is not a monday night drug
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize