look no pants
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
