You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
