i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
