I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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