my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
