Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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