Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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