My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
