No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
