So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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