you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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