Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
