do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pants are for mortals
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
