the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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