Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
