The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
