Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize