Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
