Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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