another moral hangover. fuck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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