I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
