Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I deserve this hangover.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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