my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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