Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
