drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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