Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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