Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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