We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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