you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
