Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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