We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
