So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
