he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
