I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
