haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
