Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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