am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
