I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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