he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this will be a night to untag.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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