Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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