DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
