part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
