apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
