I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
