Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
