I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
