made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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