I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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