Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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