Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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