Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
