so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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