the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
