I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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