do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
