no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
