We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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