fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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