I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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