RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
